Life really sucks...

Sometimes writing this blog i realize how net addict i ve become.Earlier the word net addict just signified some american teenager lonely jerk who conveys his message through net,checking mails a thousand times was just a joke.And see now a day without net is a big nightmare.I am in habit of checking mail ,orkut, as many as times i could. Each time i open laptop orkut login is most obivious action.There have been times when i ve login at 4 in the morning to check out who's online.And this is not because of someone special.. just the unexplained need to be in touch..may be kind of timepass.

Personally i think it's way of filling that void which is created in my life.Just the feeling of doing nothing, being nothing.Life is all mismanaged and unfocussed as it can get.Just can't hold it.The feeling of being so useless makes me feel guilty of not studying and net makes me forget that..giving the temporary feeling of still being something.Even while writng this post i know it's of no consequence and i should be probably studying this time.But studying seems to require such a great effort that i avoid it as much as i can.Even 10 mins of reading text book has become so unbearable that i wonder how did i reached up till here.Just don't know what to do about myself.

May be to run away from this feeling i am going home. which seems to offer at least some purpose to life.. some belonging... something i can't explain.And i know self loathing isn't going to make it better or even make me feel better.Still doing things without purpose have become my major preoccupation..