Expectations kill..

I accept my last blog was loaded with too much philosophy..sorry for that, i never wanted to sound like some self help.

I guess i need some self help books or tips in my life too.Why i always pick up people who never ever care for me as the way i do it for them?and even after knowing it i keep on showering my unconditional love on them..expecting them to change..hoping them to feel for me..Why do i can't move on and have at least some amount of self respect?Why can't i just make them feel the way as they make me feel.. no.. at every opportunity to help them i go on my knees and toes to be with them when they need it.And even if i miss a single chance to do it i keep on feeling guilty for it and blame it for other instances of betrayal.It just the way i am or the way i ve chosed to behave.. i can't say.Sometimes i feel like a doormat.. friends are not supposed to make you feel that for god sake..Then i try to convince myself that it may be some of their problems which are more important than me and keep cool,Generously offering them second, third or even 100th chance to step over me again.

I wish i could change that about myself.I feel like actress of first half of a nerd becoming winner but in my life second half never shows up.Ya.. i am told by everyone i share this not to expect but how can you not expect when you have ran pillar to post to support them,you have lost your own emotions to fight for them,you ve spent hours thinking how to please them.when you ve always always blamed yourself for every screw up in their life.

I know possibly it's all my fault.may be i don't deserve the affection,understanding and all that stuff.Still yaar i m a human stop hurting me everytime.