My Birthday..

My finally awaited dreaded. but inevitable birthday has arrived. I know i should have celebrated more ages like 21 , 22, 23 or evn 24 better. I really wish i could have. I miss being younger. I just feel so much more old. I am so late according to my clock and plan.
Don't know what else to say.But i don't want any cake to be put on my face and hair. i just washed my hairs. i know this b day is going to be memorable.Something tells me this year is going to be wonderful.All things i ve waited will finally come to me. More importantly i will become more wise and more equiped to handle this world and my life better. I trust god. He will take care of everything. I will just give my best to everything in my life.
I really wish he shows up with mind blowing gift.I know it is too much pressure or too much to expect from him.Okay.. i just want he shows up on time.He doesn't gets irritated and retains his mood sweet and romantic throughout the time spent.
I really want this day be memorable. I really want to feel like a princess. I feel like my childhood fantasy.. But i know shit will happen if i keep my expectations too high. I know i am going to cry tomorrow for something or other.It always happens when i keep my hopes and spirits high..
whatever.. happy birthday..

My upcoming Birthday...

I know preeti is preparing for my b day and that too a surprise i never got. In fact it is the surprise that i have never got on my birthday. In fact i don't recall any memorable birthday except the one in which blue biird fell in my corridor. I always wanted small small things or surprises never a big thing. BUt as for my parents were concerned money was more important than anything else. Each year i had to convince them to celebrate my b day. Even if they did no one came as everyone back then used to go to relatives place. Even at my taiji's i had to beg for cake adn small party adn all i got were bunch of pastries passed for cake. Even gifts were asked before hand to prevent any misunderstandings. As for my mother she never thought my birth on this earth deserved anything and not in the least a gift. Evn when my birthday was celebrated the tension of holding a patry was too much for her. She would snap on me often adn beat me too. Even party was for others. 

I was never enough popular among friends school or college. In fact in college the birthday wishes i got were maximum 2 or 3 including one from myu. My relationship with myu was always underwater to expect anything out of him. Eventhe gifts he claimed to have bought for me were nevr recieved whether it was denim skirt or so called payal.. They became panki bhaiya's make up box. 

I don't even know how to react when i will finally feel satiated. I don't think myu can ever do it right. It is too late to do all the things i wished for. Even if he does they all will be just acknowledged not enjoyed and i would just feel awkward instead of feeling obliged or at least happy. Though i am accustomed in buying him things and i have learnt to expect nothing out of him. HIs own expenses are hard to meet for him.

Birthday will become more memorable if i get through IES with a nice rank. BUt probably it is too much to ask.

I don't even remeber when i last cut cake on my birthday??? Or even eaten a piece of pastry?/ Or even enjoyed.Let's see if this birthday will bring something else in my life..

Post Written qualified.

As any other blogger i wish i was wrote more often.
Having a new phase. Caan't sleep. Don't know why?
Post Ies drama i became too focussed sucking all life out of me for single minded pursuit . feeling guilty of every minute waste. but now i m just enjoying myself. watched luv tuv tey chicken khurana. i think a good hindi movie after ages. Was confused a few days back but now much now. Whatever will happen, will happen.It feels some kind of waiting period. Watching period how things go. On which side elephant would sit. Wish it was over sooner but decided to enjoy. Sort of pampering myself, may be at a wrong time. But i can surely manage college doing all the fun as well.
Sometimes a get a feeling something is planned for me. And just for this moment i know god has plans for me.
I can't believe that i even forgot reading books. When i came here i found something amiss. It was only after i went on the first floor of library i realized i have not read a book. Strange!!! A girl always with a book in hand forgot that she derived happiness, fulfillment, even entertainment from book and not from sitcoms. If anyone had told me to jump the cliff trusting god i would have.